I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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