K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
