so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
