My Higher Power is John Stamos
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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