one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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