when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
