The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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