remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
