i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize