last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just forgot I was standing up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
