Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
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