I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't deserve a penis
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize