I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
