My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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