You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
