u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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