She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
