The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
