I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
