last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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