i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Drunk is not a location!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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