You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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