God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize