I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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