The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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