so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He kissed a someone with a penis
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
