My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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