Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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