Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
