this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
