i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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