he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize