I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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