can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
