"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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