It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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