Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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