If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
