Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
