Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
