I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
NoShamevember. You game?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
God, I missed his penis.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize