I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
