I've blown a few things in my day
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
