There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
