Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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