so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
