I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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