R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
