Pappa wants mamma naked
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
As shirtless as possible
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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