He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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