Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
