you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
