just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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