it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pants are for mortals
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
