U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
