holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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