theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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