is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
