it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
