also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
