My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize