Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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