My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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